Take one!

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Our short-lived holiday season isn't far away and it's time to roll out the promotional material for "Riverbend Cottage". I always like to state the obvious, so I glued the letters "TAKE ONE" on the box.

"TAKE ONLY ONE" would've been better but didn't fit on the box and in any case it reminds me too much of the real estate agent up north who had one of those "Please take one" baskets outside his shopfront but the basket was always empty.

I eventually walked into the shop to ask for a brochure and suggested that he fill up the empty basket outside.

"Ah, yes," he said, "I don't put any more out there. People keep taken them away."

New traffic rules at "Riverbend"

Putting on the finishing touch

Our Guest Cottage now has a covered verandah and covered walkway to the bathroom, providing shade when the sun shines and shelter when it rains.

Click on image to enlarge
Troy did a marvellous job so that as a bonus I ordered for him large car door magnets and other promotional material to give his firewood business a bit of a boost.

If you need a ute load of firewood, look for this sign:

Take one, please!

Having just spent some four thousand dollars on building a verandah on the Guest Cottage and a covered walkway to the bathroom, we might as well try and crank up the business a bit to recover some of the money!

I visited my friends at Vistaprint and ordered a couple of so-called rack cards, small flyers to put in a box by the gate for passers-by to take one (just one, please! ☺ )

However, we don't just want anybody to come here! Our guests are discerning people of a certain age who appreciate the peace and quiet of "Riverbend" and so I've added the following "Health Warning":

Riverbend Cottage does not compete with establishments whose toilet seats are wrapped in cute little "Sanitized for your convenience" covers or who dull your senses with Muzak and the drone of air-conditioning ("air-conditioning" here means opening the window and letting the gentle breeze come in off the river).

Our TV reception is limited to the ABC, SBS, and WIN (however, you have a choice of hundreds of excellent DVDs - all without commercial breaks!) And there are plenty of books to read (you remember books, don't you? they are like DVDs with pages)

Once here, you may even relax enough not to miss your mobile because, guess what, it won't work here. However, we gladly take your messages on our phone or, if you're the President of the United States or some other important person who is totally indispensable to the running of the world, you can bring along your own laptop and log on to our FREE broadband WiFi.

Our guests from the city always enthuse about the air here. It's fresh and composed mainly of oxygen and nitrogen, unlike what they are used to. They fall asleep almost immediately, their bodies exhausted from the lack of carbon monoxide and lead they have come to depend on.

It is quiet here and very peaceful and you're the only guest. Instead of having to listen to somebody else's snoring or be "entertained" by some ablution noise in the room next door, you may hear the occasional possum wander over your roof at night or be surprised by a little green frog looking at you from under the bathroom door.

All this sensory deprivation may come as a shock to you and we suggest that, as a rough guide, if your chronological (or mental) age is less than 30, you will probably lack the appreciation of being miles away from McDonald's and the sounds of an infernal combustion engine.

To all you others and to those who want to recover their energy and rediscover themselves, please come and stay and stay long, sit quietly, breathe deeply, and listen to the river, to the birds, to YOURSELF!

www.riverbendnelligen.com

P.S. My Canadian friend, a man of exceptionally discerning tastes, emailed me: "I believe that you are trying to attract a very rare type of person. Those who are well balanced and comfortable with their own company and can enjoy simply relaxing in silent reflection of their thoughts and experiences are not plentiful and very difficult to convince that your amenities are acceptable. I think perhaps you should hint at the availablility of certain recreational pharmaceuticals as a complimentary perk available to select clientele with discerning tastes. Or you could advertise that you cater exclusively to those who are as gay as a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide."

Send her down, Hughie!

Well, wait until the weekend if you can by which time I'll have the 7.5m x 1.5m verandah in front of the Guest Cottage covered with a roof. The timberwork will be finished tomorrow, on Friday the paint will go on, and Saturday will see the corrugated roof iron screwed down.

Another job done!

Your very own golf course

Health Warning

 

Riverbend Cottage does not compete with establishments whose toilet seats are wrapped in cute little "Sanitized for your convenience" covers or who dull your senses with Muzak and the drone of air-conditioning ("air-conditioning" here means opening the window and letting the gentle breeze come in off the river). We don't have valet parking or room service either and the only wake-up service is provided by the local garbage collectors at the fixed hour of 6 a.m. each Friday.

Our TV reception is limited to the ABC, SBS, and WIN (however, you have a choice of hundreds of excellent DVDs - all without commercial breaks!) And there are plenty of books to read (you remember books, don't you? they are like DVDs with pages)

Once here, you may even relax enough not to miss your mobile because, guess what, it won't work here. However, we gladly take your messages on our phone or, if you're the President of the United States or some other important person who is totally indispensable to the running of the world, you can bring along your own laptop and log on to our FREE broadband WiFi.

Our guests from the city always enthuse about the air here. It's fresh and composed mainly of oxygen and nitrogen, unlike what they are used to. They fall asleep almost immediately, their bodies exhausted from the lack of carbon monoxide and lead they have come to depend on.

This is a beautiful parklike setting on the water's edge, so please wear sensible footwear and behave in a responsible manner. You may walk and even jog anywhere on our seven acres; if you're really fitness-aware, you are welcome to try and get our lawnmower started; within an hour you'll have enjoyed a full cardio workout. We'd be happy to leave it at that but since some people employ such a good team of lawyers, we also require you to read and accept the following Risk Warning.

It is quiet here and very peaceful and you're the only guest. Instead of having to listen to somebody else's snoring or be "entertained" by some ablution noise in the room next door, you may hear the occasional possum wander over your roof at night or be surprised by a little green frog looking at you from under the bathroom door.

All this sensory deprivation may come as a shock to you and we suggest that, as a rough guide, if your chronological (or mental) age is less than 30, you will probably lack the appreciation of being miles away from McDonald's and the sounds of an infternal combustion engine as we are not as close to transport, for instance, the main Sydney - Melbourne flight path, as you may be used to.

To all you others and to those who want to recover their energy and rediscover themselves, please come and stay and stay long, sit quietly, breathe deeply, and listen to the river, to the birds, to YOURSELF!