The Pirates of Penzance

Selling programmes at the door. Tarantara! tarantara! tarantara!

 

This weekend's 'cultural event' was our visit to the Bay Theatre Players who performed The Pirates of Penzance after which we had our usual 'Barramundi Night' at the golf club.

 

The barramundi, being a shy fish, is hiding under the chips

Aussie Bush Etiquette

 

This may be the first time for some of our guests to come to the Bush. Here are some useful tips:

 

In General:

1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.

3. It's tacky to take an Esky to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral.

 

Eating Out:

1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.

 

Entertaining at Home:

1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.

 

Personal Hygiene:

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys.

2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.

3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.

4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery.

 

Theatre/Cinema Etiquette:

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.

2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

 

Weddings:

1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.

3. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.

 

Driving Etiquette:

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight.

2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't always have the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

 

We are easy to find; getting away again is the hard part!

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Join us at the best exotic B & B Cottage

 

Join us in an orgy of good movies, good books, and peace and quiet by the bucketful! But be warned: it is addictive as most of our guests keep coming back!

 

Stirring the possum, then feeding it

 

Our monthly food bill is around the thousand-dollar-mark but then we're not just feeding ourselves but also dozens of water fowls and screeching parrots and these two cuties, mother and baby possum. They recently moved into our possum penthouse and are enjoying the peace and quiet of "Riverbend".

Is this cute or what?

 

We've added a verandah and covered walkway to our Cottage. Now it looks as cute as a Hänsel & Gretel House, don't you think? All that's missing is the gingerbread ☺

 

Take one!

Click on image

 

Our short-lived holiday season isn't far away and it's time to roll out the promotional material for "Riverbend Cottage". I always like to state the obvious, so I glued the letters "TAKE ONE" on the box.

"TAKE ONLY ONE" would've been better but didn't fit on the box and in any case it reminds me too much of the real estate agent up north who had one of those "Please take one" baskets outside his shopfront but the basket was always empty.

I eventually walked into the shop to ask for a brochure and suggested that he fill up the empty basket outside.

"Ah, yes," he said, "I don't put any more out there. People keep taken them away."