Sometimes we even forget to fold the first tissue on the roll of toilet paper into a little triangle

 

Riverbend Cottage does not compete with establishments whose toilet seats are wrapped in cute little "Sanitized for your convenience" covers or who dull your senses with Muzak and the drone of air-conditioning ("air-conditioning" here means opening the window and letting the gentle breeze come in off the river).

Our TV reception is limited to the ABC, SBS, and WIN (however, you have a choice of hundreds of excellent DVDs - all without commercial breaks!) And there are plenty of books to read (you remember books, don't you? they are like DVDs with pages)

Once here, you may even relax enough not to miss your mobile because, guess what, it won't work here. However, we gladly take your messages on our phone or, if you're the President of the United States or some other important person who is totally indispensable to the running of the world, you can bring along your own laptop and log on to our FREE broadband WiFi.

Our guests from the city always enthuse about the air here. It's fresh and composed mainly of oxygen and nitrogen, unlike what they are used to. They fall asleep almost immediately, their bodies exhausted from the lack of carbon monoxide and lead they have come to depend on.

You are so close to the water's edge that for environmental reasons we had to build the modern bathroom a few metres away from the cottage (very romantic on a starlit night!) but don't worry, the short walkway between the Cottage and bathroom is covered in and you won't get wet on a rainy night.

It is quiet here and very peaceful and you're the only guest. Instead of having to listen to somebody else's snoring or be "entertained" by some ablution noise in the room next door, you may hear the occasional possum wander over your roof at night or be surprised by a little green frog looking at you from under the bathroom door.

All this sensory deprivation may come as a shock to you and we suggest that, as a rough guide, if your chronological (or mental) age is less than 30, you will probably lack the appreciation of being miles away from McDonald's and the sounds of an inf(t)ernal combustion engine.

To all you others and to those who want to recover their energy and rediscover themselves, please come and stay and stay long, sit quietly, breathe deeply, and listen to the river, to the birds, to YOURSELF!

Now you know why it's called "Riverbend"

Not your typical Breughel pastoral scene

 

 

With a good book on one side ...

 

 

... and a good wine on the other, you feel uplifted as you look downriver.

Let Riverbend work its magic on you and stop listening to the news and let the week go by.

When you get home and tune in again, you'll realise you've missed nothing, and are cured of the delusion that you need to stay current.

Welcome to the magic of Riverbend!

 

"What a wonderful place to end one year and start another!"

 

So wrote our guest Vicki in our guestbook. And she continued:

 

"Lily - [that's her beautiful Border Collie] - and I have enjoyed ourselves beyond our expectations and it is hard to leave (I haven't got Lily in the car yet, so it may well be hard to leave.) Thank you for the opportunity to stay here in such a special place, and for your hospitality and generosity. May 2015 be a great year for you, and hopefully I will see you again some time during 2015."

 

Thank you, Vicki, for your kind words and we look forward to your next visit. A copy of Captain Corelli's Mandolin will be waiting for you.

 

Happy New Year!

(don’t mind the German introduction — the video is in English)

 

T
here are myriad New Year’s Eve customs worldwide. In Japan, toshikoshi soba noodles are eaten to bring in the coming year. In Anglo-Saxon countries, finding someone to share a New Year’s Eve kiss with as the clock winds down has become a boon to the romantically-challenged. In Germany, however, a different tradition has taken form: every year on December 31st, TV networks broadcast an 18-minute-long black and white two-hander comedy skit.

In 1963, Germany’s Norddeutscher Rundfunk television station recorded a sketch entitled Dinner For One, performed by the British comics Freddie Frinton and May Warden. The duo depicted an aging butler serving his aristocratic mistress, Miss Sophie, dinner on the occasion of her 90th birthday. Although four additional spots have been set at the table, the nonagenarian’s friends have long since passed away, and the butler is forced to take their places in drinking copious amounts of alcohol while toasting Miss Sophie’s health. Hilarity, as it is wont to do in such cases, ensues.

Since its initial recording, the clip has become a New Year’s Eve staple in Germany. Although Dinner For One has never been broadcast in the U. S. or Canada, the clip has spread throughout Europe to Norway, Finland, Estonia, Lithuania, Austria, Switzerland, and beyond the continent’s shores, to South Africa and Australia. In Sweden, a bowdlerized 11-minute version of the clip has been produced, where, for decency’s sake, much of the butler’s boozing was excised alongside its attendant comedic effect. In Denmark, after the national television network failed to broadcast the sketch in 1985, an avalanche of viewer complaints has guaranteed its subsequent yearly appearance. Although the category is now defunct, the clip held the Guinness World Record for Most Frequently Repeated TV Program.

Above, you can view the original 18-minute comedic opus and celebrate New Year’s day in the same way that much of Europe will ring in 2015.

All of us at Riverbend Cottage wish you a happy new year! Rest assured, it'll be the same procedure as last year.

A very Merry Christmas from all of us at Riverbend Cottage!

 

It's all Jingle Bells and Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer at K-Mart and Woolies already, so we don't want to be caught out late, do we?

Although we've outsourced this year's greetings to keep costs down, Padma & Peter and the two K9s Malty & Rover wish you a very

Merry Christmas  !

We are a little hard to find and even harder to leave

Spot the red dot for your dose of peace and tranquillity. Lorraine and Bernard from Melbourne did and have just left again, reluctantly, but not without leaving this entry in our guestbook:

"Dear Peter, Padma and all the furry friends, residents of Paradise!

As we sit here, being mesmerised by the fluttering leaves and rippling river, we reflect on how lucky we are to have shared this total experience of beauty, peacefulness, generosity and relaxation.

Padma and Peter, we thank you for all of this and all those extras like playing with the dogs, indulgent pancakes for breakfast, wantons for dinner, friendship, the braying donkey, and the experience of watching a movie in the pond house, enjoying the cacophony of birds and insects playing amongst the lily pads in the pond as background to the Oyster Farmer movie.

Noticed the Christmas flag this morning! Reminds me that I have some serious shopping to do before Christmas Day!

Merry, merry Christmas and thank you!
Lorraine and Bernard"

And a Merry Christmas to you, Lorraine and Bernard, and we hope to see you again next year!