Cottage Availability

 

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Our first guests for the season are due today

 

Our short holiday rental season is upon us and the first guests are due in today. All the last-minute jobs are done and the Cottage is ready!

 

We even managed to bang a few Melamine boards together to house the fridge and microwave.

Come on, all ye faithful! We welcome you to Riverbend Cottage!

A very merry Christmas to all past, present and future guests

 

We have outsourced this year's Christmas Greetings to keep costs down - and it seems to be working as our nearest B&B neighbours charge $1925 a week while we're still a very reasonable $1260.

We're the cheapest and the best with the most freebies and the closest absolute waterfront. That's worth being merry about. So here's to a very Merry Christmas to all of you from all of us!

Padma & Peter & Malty & Rover, the two K9s.

Beware of cheap imitations!

We installed the original laptop right here along the Clyde River waterfront and many a good book has been read and many a good letter written on it! Try it out - it's very user-friendly and won't crash!

Hi, we've got WiFi!

If you're the President of the United States or some other important person who is totally indispensable to the running of the world, you can bring along your own laptop and log on to our FREE broadband WiFi.

Last orders, please!

 

The Cottage is already booked from Monday, 24th December 2012, until Saturday, 12th January 2013, but you can still book in for a quiet pre-Christmas holiday or anytime after 12th January.

You want to be quick though as enquiries are coming in all the time.

With tongue firmly lodged in buccal cavity

 

"Health Warning"

Riverbend Cottage does not compete with establishments whose toilet seats are wrapped in cute little "Sanitized for your convenience" covers or who dull your senses with Muzak and the drone of air-conditioning ("air-conditioning" here means opening the window and letting the gentle breeze come in off the river).

Our TV reception is limited to the ABC, SBS, and WIN (however, you have a choice of dozens of excellent DVDs - all without commercial breaks!) And there are plenty of books to read (you remember books, don't you? they are like DVDs with pages)

Once here, you may even relax enough not to miss your mobile because, guess what, it won't work here. However, we gladly take your messages on our phone or, if you're the President of the United States or some other important person who is totally indispensable to the running of the world, you can bring along your own laptop and log on to our FREE broadband WiFi.

Our guests from the city always enthuse about the air here. It's fresh and composed mainly of oxygen and nitrogen, unlike what they are used to. They fall asleep almost immediately, their bodies exhausted from the lack of carbon monoxide and lead they have come to depend on.

This is a pristine bushland setting on the water's edge, so please wear sensible footwear and behave in a responsible manner. We'd be happy to leave it at that but since some people employ such a good team of lawyers, we also require you to read and accept the following Risk Warning.

It is quiet here and very peaceful and you're the only guest. Instead of having to listen to somebody else's snoring or be "entertained" by some ablution noise in the room next door, you may hear the occasional possum wander over your roof at night or be surprised by a little green frog looking at you from under the bathroom door.

All this sensory deprivation may come as a shock to you and we suggest that, as a rough guide, if your chronological (or mental) age is less than 30, you will probably lack the appreciation of being miles away from McDonald's and the sounds of an infternal combustion engine.

To all you others and to those who want to recover their energy and rediscover themselves, please come and stay and stay long, sit quietly, breathe deeply, and listen to the river, to the birds, to YOURSELF!

Nelligen Golf Course

 

Golf Course? Well, not quite but we're working on it. As for the 18 holes - well, the rabbits are working on them ☺ (No bunkers; I've had my fill of them in the (c)old country and I'm glad there are none here.)

And here's the good news: Cottage guests pay no Green Fees - or fees of any other colour!

Insurance Disclaimer

 

Being a very waterwise bunch at "Riverbend", we have put this sign in your bathroom. Of course, we are only joking: our insurance cover DOES include your dissolving after spending too much time in the shower. But why risk it?

Awesome possum

 

We've had some beautiful steady rain overnight and all the watertanks are full again. Having fed the possum in its penthouse, the wild parrots in the trees, and the wood ducks by the pond, we're off to the Ulladulla pool. See you later!

The Pirates of Penzance

Selling programmes at the door. Tarantara! tarantara! tarantara!

 

This weekend's 'cultural event' was our visit to the Bay Theatre Players who performed The Pirates of Penzance after which we had our usual 'Barramundi Night' at the golf club.

 

The barramundi, being a shy fish, is hiding under the chips

Aussie Bush Etiquette

 

This may be the first time for some of our guests to come to the Bush. Here are some useful tips:

 

In General:

1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.

3. It's tacky to take an Esky to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral.

 

Eating Out:

1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.

 

Entertaining at Home:

1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.

 

Personal Hygiene:

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys.

2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.

3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.

4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery.

 

Theatre/Cinema Etiquette:

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.

2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

 

Weddings:

1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.

3. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.

 

Driving Etiquette:

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight.

2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't always have the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

 

We are easy to find; getting away again is the hard part!

View Larger Map

Join us at the best exotic B & B Cottage

 

Join us in an orgy of good movies, good books, and peace and quiet by the bucketful! But be warned: it is addictive as most of our guests keep coming back!

 

Stirring the possum, then feeding it

 

Our monthly food bill is around the thousand-dollar-mark but then we're not just feeding ourselves but also dozens of water fowls and screeching parrots and these two cuties, mother and baby possum. They recently moved into our possum penthouse and are enjoying the peace and quiet of "Riverbend".

Is this cute or what?

 

We've added a verandah and covered walkway to our Cottage. Now it looks as cute as a Hänsel & Gretel House, don't you think? All that's missing is the gingerbread ☺

 

Take one!

Click on image

 

Our short-lived holiday season isn't far away and it's time to roll out the promotional material for "Riverbend Cottage". I always like to state the obvious, so I glued the letters "TAKE ONE" on the box.

"TAKE ONLY ONE" would've been better but didn't fit on the box and in any case it reminds me too much of the real estate agent up north who had one of those "Please take one" baskets outside his shopfront but the basket was always empty.

I eventually walked into the shop to ask for a brochure and suggested that he fill up the empty basket outside.

"Ah, yes," he said, "I don't put any more out there. People keep taken them away."

New traffic rules at "Riverbend"

Putting on the finishing touch

Our Guest Cottage now has a covered verandah and covered walkway to the bathroom, providing shade when the sun shines and shelter when it rains.

Click on image to enlarge
Troy did a marvellous job so that as a bonus I ordered for him large car door magnets and other promotional material to give his firewood business a bit of a boost.

If you need a ute load of firewood, look for this sign:

Take one, please!

Having just spent some four thousand dollars on building a verandah on the Guest Cottage and a covered walkway to the bathroom, we might as well try and crank up the business a bit to recover some of the money!

I visited my friends at Vistaprint and ordered a couple of so-called rack cards, small flyers to put in a box by the gate for passers-by to take one (just one, please! ☺ )

However, we don't just want anybody to come here! Our guests are discerning people of a certain age who appreciate the peace and quiet of "Riverbend" and so I've added the following "Health Warning":

Riverbend Cottage does not compete with establishments whose toilet seats are wrapped in cute little "Sanitized for your convenience" covers or who dull your senses with Muzak and the drone of air-conditioning ("air-conditioning" here means opening the window and letting the gentle breeze come in off the river).

Our TV reception is limited to the ABC, SBS, and WIN (however, you have a choice of hundreds of excellent DVDs - all without commercial breaks!) And there are plenty of books to read (you remember books, don't you? they are like DVDs with pages)

Once here, you may even relax enough not to miss your mobile because, guess what, it won't work here. However, we gladly take your messages on our phone or, if you're the President of the United States or some other important person who is totally indispensable to the running of the world, you can bring along your own laptop and log on to our FREE broadband WiFi.

Our guests from the city always enthuse about the air here. It's fresh and composed mainly of oxygen and nitrogen, unlike what they are used to. They fall asleep almost immediately, their bodies exhausted from the lack of carbon monoxide and lead they have come to depend on.

It is quiet here and very peaceful and you're the only guest. Instead of having to listen to somebody else's snoring or be "entertained" by some ablution noise in the room next door, you may hear the occasional possum wander over your roof at night or be surprised by a little green frog looking at you from under the bathroom door.

All this sensory deprivation may come as a shock to you and we suggest that, as a rough guide, if your chronological (or mental) age is less than 30, you will probably lack the appreciation of being miles away from McDonald's and the sounds of an infernal combustion engine.

To all you others and to those who want to recover their energy and rediscover themselves, please come and stay and stay long, sit quietly, breathe deeply, and listen to the river, to the birds, to YOURSELF!

www.riverbendnelligen.com

P.S. My Canadian friend, a man of exceptionally discerning tastes, emailed me: "I believe that you are trying to attract a very rare type of person. Those who are well balanced and comfortable with their own company and can enjoy simply relaxing in silent reflection of their thoughts and experiences are not plentiful and very difficult to convince that your amenities are acceptable. I think perhaps you should hint at the availablility of certain recreational pharmaceuticals as a complimentary perk available to select clientele with discerning tastes. Or you could advertise that you cater exclusively to those who are as gay as a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide."

Send her down, Hughie!

Well, wait until the weekend if you can by which time I'll have the 7.5m x 1.5m verandah in front of the Guest Cottage covered with a roof. The timberwork will be finished tomorrow, on Friday the paint will go on, and Saturday will see the corrugated roof iron screwed down.

Another job done!

Your very own golf course

Health Warning

 

Riverbend Cottage does not compete with establishments whose toilet seats are wrapped in cute little "Sanitized for your convenience" covers or who dull your senses with Muzak and the drone of air-conditioning ("air-conditioning" here means opening the window and letting the gentle breeze come in off the river). We don't have valet parking or room service either and the only wake-up service is provided by the local garbage collectors at the fixed hour of 6 a.m. each Friday.

Our TV reception is limited to the ABC, SBS, and WIN (however, you have a choice of hundreds of excellent DVDs - all without commercial breaks!) And there are plenty of books to read (you remember books, don't you? they are like DVDs with pages)

Once here, you may even relax enough not to miss your mobile because, guess what, it won't work here. However, we gladly take your messages on our phone or, if you're the President of the United States or some other important person who is totally indispensable to the running of the world, you can bring along your own laptop and log on to our FREE broadband WiFi.

Our guests from the city always enthuse about the air here. It's fresh and composed mainly of oxygen and nitrogen, unlike what they are used to. They fall asleep almost immediately, their bodies exhausted from the lack of carbon monoxide and lead they have come to depend on.

This is a beautiful parklike setting on the water's edge, so please wear sensible footwear and behave in a responsible manner. You may walk and even jog anywhere on our seven acres; if you're really fitness-aware, you are welcome to try and get our lawnmower started; within an hour you'll have enjoyed a full cardio workout. We'd be happy to leave it at that but since some people employ such a good team of lawyers, we also require you to read and accept the following Risk Warning.

It is quiet here and very peaceful and you're the only guest. Instead of having to listen to somebody else's snoring or be "entertained" by some ablution noise in the room next door, you may hear the occasional possum wander over your roof at night or be surprised by a little green frog looking at you from under the bathroom door.

All this sensory deprivation may come as a shock to you and we suggest that, as a rough guide, if your chronological (or mental) age is less than 30, you will probably lack the appreciation of being miles away from McDonald's and the sounds of an infternal combustion engine as we are not as close to transport, for instance, the main Sydney - Melbourne flight path, as you may be used to.

To all you others and to those who want to recover their energy and rediscover themselves, please come and stay and stay long, sit quietly, breathe deeply, and listen to the river, to the birds, to YOURSELF!

 

This is where we live ...

 

... although we don't live on a houseboat and nor do we fish. This clip isn't ours either but it was just too good not to include in this blog.

If you do decide to hire a houseboat instead of staying at "Riverbend" Cottage, give us a wave as you pass! ☺

Cinema Paradiso

Here at "Riverbend" Cottage we are great fans of Australian movies. If it's on DVD, we have it:

They're A Weird Mob

Age of Consent

Wake in Fright

The Adventures of Barry McKenzie

Picnic at Hanging Rock

The Removalists

Sunday Too Far Away

Caddie

Don's Party

The Naked Country

Bad Blood

Storm Boy

The Getting of Wisdom

My Brilliant Career

Newsfront

The Chant of Jimmy Blacksmith

Breaker Morant

Gallipoli

Careful, He Might Hear You

The Year of Living Dangerously

The Man from Snowy River

Far East

Rebel

The Road from Coorain

The Lighthorsemen

The Odd Angry Shot

The Shiralee

The Dish

Walkabout

The Beachcomber

The Far Country

A Town Like Alice

The Castle

Oyster Farmer

Charlie & Boots

Muriel's Wedding

Priscilla

Kokoda

Wog Boy

Smiley

Van Diemen's Land

Puberty Blues

Come in Spinner

Cosi

The Devil's Playground

The Harp in the South

Kenny

Malcolm

Lantana

My Brother Jack

The Picture Show Man

Poor Man's Orange

Romper Stomper

Rabbit Proof Fence

The Night the Prowler

Dead Heart

Crocodile Dundee

Travelling North

The Man Who Sued God

10 Canoes

Red Dog

Tobruk

Bran Nue Dae

The Basket

Dimboola

The Honourable Wally Norman

Oranges and Sunshine

The King's Speech

... and many more!

Who said the only culture in Australia comes out of yoghurt tubs? Book yourself into a cultural experience at "Riverbend" Cottage and hope for some rain to keep you indoors to watch some of those beautiful movies.

(Of course, we have a large collection of international movies as well, from Casablanca to The Young Lions.)

Our Japanese guests - and now also friends - are about to leave

It's been a wonderful two weeks but all good things must come to an end. A Friday night campfire sing-along, fuelled by German Glühwein and piping-hot Japanese whisky, included a Japanese rendition of John Lennon's

ない天がありません想像する
あなたがしようとした場合、それは簡単です。
このしたには地獄はない
私たちだけ空の上
全ての人を想像する
今日のために生きて...

ない国はありません想像する
それを行うのに難しいことではありません
のために殺すか死ぬかするものがありません
無宗教も
全ての人を想像する
平和に生活をして...

私は夢想家と言うかもしれない
しかし、私は1つだけじゃない
私はいつかあなたは私たちに参加いただければ幸いです
そして世界は一つのようになります。

ない財産を想像できない
可能であれば、私は不思議
欲や飢えは必要ありません
同胞団の男
全ての人を想像する
全世界を共有して...

私は夢想家と言うかもしれない
しかし、私は1つだけじゃない
私はいつかあなたは私たちに参加いただければ幸いです
そして、世界が一つになって生きることでしょう

Yes, you guessed it; it's

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

Well, we hope someday they'll join us again!

Reigning cats and dogs

Simon, I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side with the Tax Office so this morning I prepared the sleeping place for your cat and dog: not one but two layers of carpet (sorry, no underfelt!) and there'll be a night-light and a bowl of water by the door.

You'll be lucky if they want to come back to Canberra with you after two weeks of that kind of luxury! Long may they reign!

See you on the 18th!

P.S. I hope you will come more often to motivate me to clean out my workshop more often ☺

Calling Peter, Merel and Maryclaire Boogers in the Netherlands

 

 

Remember "Riverbend Cottage"? It was your second stop on your Australian trip in January 2001 and you enjoyed your stay with us so much, you even wanted to cancel the rest of your itinerary. We succeeded in talking you out of it but you did write in our guestbook:

"... Merel has informed us that she return here when she is 18 years old."

Well, she isn't quite 18 yet but Padma would like to see her anyway so when are you coming back?

When you're here, Padma can once more cluck over Merel while the two Peters have a few beers and sing the old Steigerlied.

After all, it's not every day that one meets a Dutch mining engineer. A Dutch cheese-maker, yes! A Dutch clog-maker, yes! A Dutch tulip-grower, yes! But a Dutch mining engineer? A rare breed indeed!

We hope to see you again soon!

An email from the "Scruffie" Taxman

It's not often that one gets a nice email from a taxman but this one was a pleasant surprise:

Hi Peter You may remember me. I come down to Nelligen every now and then with my Stornaway Weekender for a few days sailing on the Clyde. I haven't been down so far this year, but my wife and her nephew from Japan (with dog) would like to rent your cottage for a couple of weeks from 18 May if it's available. I'd come down on the weekends to stay on my boat. Do you have a vacancy then? If not, do you know of any other places where they could stay (granted that no where will be quite as beautiful as Riverbend). Hope to hear from you soon. Regards Simon (the Taxman)

We first met Simon on his beautiful boat "Scruffie" in April 2010 and of course we remember him.

Come on down, Simon, we would love to welcome you to "Riverbend Cottage"!

Riverbend's three S's

No, it's not Sun, Surf & Sex, it's

Silence, Stillness & Solitude

There are plenty of quiet spots along the river which, with the help of a couple of sawn-off tree stumps and a wooden plank across, are ideal for reading a book or just peaceful contemplation.

When I was a boy

In Berlin in 1948

 

When I was a boy, my mother would send me down to the corner store with a few coins and I'd come back with 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea, and 6 eggs.

Of course, you can't do that now. Too many friggin' security cameras!

I was reminded of this when shopping for our guests' free breakfast hamper.

I'll meet you 'round the bend my friend ...

... where hearts can heal and souls can mend.

Things are getting cooler at "Riverbend" ...

(Forever) AMBER LADY safely at her mooring
... but only at night! The days are always beautiful, with deep blue skies and brilliant sunshine.

In fact, it could be said that autumn and winter is the best time to enjoy the snugness and warmth of the Cottage at night and to watch from under the doona the mist lift off the river in the morning. It's a veritable wonderland away from the pressures of city-life.

Calling Dr Thomas Flock

If you are Thomas Flock or know where Thomas Flock is, please contact Peter and Padma at Riverbend Cottage. We remained in email contact with Thomas right through his years in Doha but then somehow lost touch.

It was Christmas 2000 and we'd just come back home after having listed our holiday cottage with the tourist office in town when the phone rang and a man's voice asked, "Is that Fisherman's Paradise and do you have a vacancy?"

I hesitated. Fisherman's Paradise? Yes, of course, that's the name under which we had listed the cottage with the tourist office.

"Yes, this is Fisherman's Paradise and, yes, we do have a vacancy", and, having detected a German accent, I added "Where are you from?"

"Same place you're from."

Touché!

And that's how Thomas Flock, his wife, and his sister became our first Cottage guests.

Which is something worth celebrating so if you read this, Thomas, and you're coming back to Australia, we offer you a week's free stay in our Cottage.

We have to disappoint you though: it's no longer called Fisherman's Paradise - it's simply paradise!

Beautiful lies

Dear Peter and Padma Thank you for sharing both your recreational and personal space with us. This was truly the "perfect holiday" in a well-kept secret paradise. We leave with many memories that will need to be topped up from time to time, so we look forward to returning. The week here has made us consider how much the pace of life dictates both our mental and physical well-being. Time to relax, chat, read, row and sleep have given us a new energy. Thanks again for all your hospitality and for Padma's fantastic rations. Max and Sharron, Wanniassa, Canberra Dear Peter, Padma, Malty & Rover Thanks for letting us share your beautiful Riverbend. We have had a fabulous time & Lizzy and Darcy have had so much fun swimming (for the first time), canoeing, chasing bunnies, and hanging out with Malty & Rover. Thanks also for your endless generosity & hospitality. It has made us all feel right at home. All the very best for the year ahead. Many thanks Andrew, Jo, Lizzy & Darcy Surry Hills, Sydney P.S. Lizzy & Darcy give Riverbend 6 paws!!! Padma & Peter, Thanks again for yet another wonderful stay. Will definitely be back, & next time for at least 2 weeks. Joy & Tim, Orange Dear Peter and Padma, What a beautiful place to spend our 28th anniversary - everything you need and nothing you don't need! Your generosity and hospitality was very much appreciated. As you give to others may you continue to be blessed in return. With gratitude and heartfelt thanks Ian and Jill Dear Peter & Padma, Don't let them drag us back to Sydney!!! You are two wonderful people who have gone to extensive trouble to make sure we have had a tremendous holiday. As if this beautiful piece of the world wasn't enough, you have provided us with everything we could possibly need & so much more. We will miss the tranquility more than we can say. It has also been wonderful to just sit & watch the wildlife (sorry, we couldn't resist giving Lulu a few grapes). Thankyou for your wonderful hospitality & for allowing us to experience "Riverbend". We will be raving about it to all our friends & family. Kind regards Michael & Yvonne Lane Cove Dear Peter & Padma Once again a lovely restful stay but all too short. One day, who knows, we might get the time to stay 2 weeks. All the best for your own travels which you are about to embark on. Take care. Cheers, Jan & Dick Clontarf Beach, Qld. Dear Padma & Peter, We (as before) had a lovely time. It's a beautiful spot. The dogs love the river. We loved the passionfruit butter. Thankyou for a lovely stay. You're the best hosts we've ever had! We'll see you again very soon. Tim & Joy Spring Hill (via Orange NSW) Dear Padma and Peter Thank you for a very special 'impromptu' weekend allowing us to share time in your lovely home with two very warm and thoughtful people. God bless you always. Robert and Lesley Pinelodge Pastoral Goulburn NSW Dearest Padma & Peter, It may have been 6 months between stays but the warm hospitality & serenity of Riverbend remains. This time we were able to share the wonders of the river with Lachlan (5 yrs) and perhaps a few lessons in patience. We bid you au revoir until the next time not sad but relaxed & peaceful for the moment in time at Riverbend. Colette Paddy & Lachlan Dear Peter & Padma Thank you for a very restful stay. Your warmth and hospitality was greatly appreciated. Grant loved the jetty (although it was I who caught the fish) and I loved swimming at your very private beach. Unfortunately our stay was cut short due to the terrible fires in Canberra - back to work I'm afraid! Best wishes to you both Rebecca and Grant Schults, Gundaroo NSW Dear Peter and Padma Thankyou for opening your private piece of nature to us. We've had a lovely, quiet and relaxing weekend - just what we needed. Your hideaway is a wonderful alternative to a sterile hotel room. Warm regards Heather and James Waverton, NSW